I just spent the better part of a half-hour with a distraught friend who also happens to be a mother & wife that my family has known for years. Through tears and sobs, she proceeded to tell me that her marriage is over, divorce is imminent and she can't imagine ever being the same again (not to mention the toll this is all taking on her kids). I couldn't help but wonder...what happened? How did it happen? What makes a, by all appearances, godly man, walk away from it all...his faith, his family, his church...himself?
It has been a haunting reminder to me of the Apostle Paul's words in Galatians 6:7, "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; a man reaps what he sows." Now, I am not one to cast stones, for I know that anyone can be deceived in the right set of circumstances...me included. But I just don't know how anyone can walk away from everything that they've held dear.
I'm sure I don't know all the facts, just as I'm sure that I have some personal bias in the situation. I have prayed for grace for the wounded and conviction on those doing the wounding. My emotions have gone from grief to joy to anger to uselessness. But rather than get into an analysis that I'm unqualified to give, God is challenging my own heart afresh with a truth so easily preached at times, and so much more difficult to live at others.
The truth? In marriage (and probably in any relationship), whatever is done for self is done against your marriage. More pointedly: whatever I do for me is done against us. There are no little choices in marriage - they all matter. Selfish choices will destroy the unity; selfless things will build it. Every word, thought, choice & action done for me is damaging us.
At this point, there may not be anything I can do for my friends other than continuing to pray, but there is tons I can do to make sure that my marriage (and for that matter, my friendships) never ends up "on the rocks" like this. There's only one Rock I want to spend time with, and this Rock will prove to be "an anchor for my soul," keeping me from drifting aimlessly in selfishness. How about you??
